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THOUGHTS OF A THINKER


I AM WHAT I AM!!!!!!

Who are you? Do you really know?
Do you really care, OR care what this world thinks of you?
Can you be what you want to be?
Do you dare try?

Some people say they are "All that and then some!"
And others say "I want some of that!"
But some of what? Freedom to live a happy life?
Or just a life of freedom?

Who is to say, what we want and what we are?
Who dares step forward to judge me?
Do you want to talk about me?
Then you MUST walk in my shoesÖÖ
And eat the dust I have been forced to eat for FREEDOM!!

So my freedom is not the same as yours,
Mine was probably earned by self respect.
Yours was probably lifeís aspects.

For I do not blame you,
Why should I?
For you are you, and I am I.
I will not judge you, please donít judge me.

Until you have felt what I have felt,
Been dealt lifes hand that I was dealt.
Been kicked in the worst emotional and physical way that I have been,
Then and only then, will I turn an ear to your pain that you have felt.

You know nothing, until you have nothingÖ..
None of societyís rules match the ones you understand.
You question yourselves own self worth,
Wondering at times if you are any better then the earth's dirt.

I am, Iím useful,
I am, Iím true,
I am, Iím somebody,
I AM AS GOOD AS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM WHAT I AM Ė LIFEíS NOT WORTH A DAMN UNTIL YOU CAN SHOUT OUT
I AM WHAT I AMÖÖÖ..*S* Brooke B.

I am, Iím good,
I am, Iím strong
I am, Iím worthy,
I am, Iím somebody
And I do belong!!!!!!!

So until you know who I am,
Get to know me,
Before you have to downgrade me, say things about me,
Or shun me..let me show you who I AM !!!!!!!!!!

Not what you want or think I SHOULD BE.

Thank-you.
Brooke-911

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I have been here for 27 years
and they have caused me to shed many a tears,
some were happy and some were sad,
but no matter what, they showed me what I had.
Sometimes I live my life is seems as an illusion,
only to find out, that causes confusion.
I am a lesbian, proud and stronge,
but how many times must I be proven wrong?
Do I give my heart or take it back,
wondering which one would put me on the right track.
For me to love is hard to do,
considering all that I have been through.
I was a trophey at one point in time
to someone whom I thought would always be mine.
She showed me love, which was a must, then.......
She took from me all of my trust.
I cowboyed up and tried it again,
only to realize I didnt fit someones image within.
What do I do I ask myself,
Search for love, or live with self?
Relationships are hard to consider
when at this point I am so bitter.
I want to be loved, its a human fact
but feel myself constantly always watching my back.
My world as a lesbian, is so small-
but I continue to try and stand tall....
I have fought for peace, love, and acceptance
Stood my ground, and seen deception
Would do anything for most of my friends,
finding myself let down in the end.
Where do I go, and what do I do?
Do I give into lust, or find somebody to trust?
The walls are high, and sometimes I try,
only to see I am not ready, and sit here and sigh.
I am who I am, and that is a fact,
I am Brooke Beckham and there is no taking that back.
But what I do with my life,
Will determine the differance between happiness and strife.
I am not ready to be alone,
but have decided that is the only song with the proper tone.
I must find myself, who and whatever that is......
before I can understand and live with all of this.
I am not giving up nor giving in,
trying to live my life over again.
But understand this is me,
and how very hard its gonna be......
I gave them my all, every breath that I take,
and my life is a living hell that they decided to make.
I've chosen to live and be alive,
and prove to all that I can survive.
But I must first be ok with me,
before I ever think I can please.
How long will this take, and what can I do
and the simple answer is-only be you.
If you need a time, that I cannot give
For how long does it take for someone to Live?
When you've been hurt and destoyed inside
sometimes all you can do is sit and cry.........
This does not mean you have done anything wrong,
Its just part of me learning to become strong.
When your heart has been so badly bruised
it takes time, coming to grips that you have been used.
The road in life was never ever guarenteed to be easy,
nor was it ever gonna be totally cheesy,
the fact is we learn to move on,
pick up friends and make lasting bonds.
This is me, what I feel,
so lets make us a deal.
Be there for me, and help me to see
that love can be excatly what I need.
Its not gonna be easy for anybody to do
for it doesnt come as easy as it might to you.
For I am unique and it has caused me pain,
But no matter what I am human just the same.
Hang tight and see what I have shown few
you never know, I may just fall in love with you.

Brooke

The price of freedom is not free
It never has been for you or me.
No matter who you are or where you stand
Somebody, somewhere will try and bring you down, if they can.

My brothers and sisters, wherever they may be
Have to hide in shame, from family or from thee.
This is wrong as far as I can see....
For they are no different then you or me.

If the fight was to come, to stand for Liberty
Don't you think we would be there too, for this country?
For it is our home also,although we are not accepted so easily,
We are human with Pride for our state
Although most times we are met with hate!

One must come to a grip,
Homosexuality is nothen that needs to be ripped.
For if you are not one of us gays
Then how can you say we have "choosen" to live this way?
To be hated by family, friends and world
Is not an easy road-that constantly swirls.

Why I ask you, do you hate us?
Is it because you think we are not good enough?
The love we share is as true and as strong
As any man and women could possiably bond.

The only difference is that we love the same
For this simple reason, please don't put us out on the range.
For we love eachother, and never bother you,
Do you think you need to show hate? Do you have something to prove?
Maybe it's you haven't looked deep enough inside of you!

Maybe you think it was the way we where raised?
But if that where the case, most of us would be straight.
Mother and Father, love them both
Never wanted them to think they had to bolt.

I am who I am, and that cannot be changed,
It's something God has instilled into MY brain.
For if He wanted me different-He would have made me that way-
But instead He said, "You my child shall be gay."

"This will be your toughest challenge child,
I never meant for you to always feel like you where on trial.
So take the strength, I have given to you,
and go out to them and show them I love you too!!!"

He has given me this gift,
All I ask is you dont think it is your's to lift!!!!

He is my Father, just as much as He is yours,
So just try and bring me down!!!!!!!!!!!
And I will promise you------
I too, will be standing beside you, outside His door.

Brooke

Sometimes the days are long and the nights are cold
And I wonder to myself.......
Will this life of loniness ever grow old?

For I loved someone so very much,
Would longed for her gentle touch.
The touch, that in time grew into a slap-
Causes me now to live in a noncommitment trap.

For I wonder to myself,
How can lesbians expect me to "move on"?
Quit living in the past-
You, my friend, better learn how to grow up fast!
We are not all like that, so dont hold it against the world...
But all I ask is you live my life that constantly swirls!!

You have no right to tell me to move on,
You say forgive and forget--dont live in resentment.
But I shake my head and cry
You will never understand why.

For I never loved someone so much
As the one with the gentle touch.
And I never thought this could happen,
By simply loving, caring, and such.

She tore me apart,
Took and damaged my heart.
But she doesnt even care,
This is the games she has played for years.

You never did anything she says,
It is not you, but me, having to find myself
When two days later she has another women,
Resting her belongs on "our" old shelf.

What did I do, where did I go wrong?
I bought her everything she ever wanted-
Only to find out, she had always been thinking of a different song.

Move on, she is not worth it-people say.
But please understand me this........
She was my world, worth everything to me...
Do not come back and say my thoughts were worthless!!

For they were mine,
Acquired in 3 years of time.
Through the good and the bad, I was there.....
Only to find myself sitting here alone,
And her very happy that I am sad.

So dont tell me to move on..
Trust again, to someone else who sings another song.
Never did I want my heart to turn to stone,
But I never made it this way alone.

Please, please remember I got burned,
And I am not sure I am ready to give it another a turn.
This is my heart we are dealing with,
Not just somebody's made-up myth.

I'm sure it will get easier,
With every minute, month and year.
But for now, I must say......
Her unfaithfullness has turned me away.

From commitment, and faith--
For another to take,
This old heart and maybe someday break.

Please understand, for it is not you.....
It's just me, and what I go through.
Love is patient and love is kind,
I guess to be honest, that is what confusses this mind.

Brooke


Saying Goodbye - Should have never said Hello...

I said goodbye to her, 
And hello to you.
Deep down not really knowing what to do.

She had distroyed me to a point,
You made me feel good -like a joint. *s*

So I said hello,
How does it go?
And from there we went,
Into a life I once again am learning to resent.

So it didnt work out?
And you have choosen to leave.
Knowing from my past,
What would hurt me the most is silence.

So you e-mail me and tell me this is it,
I think I must go.
Well fine and dandy as it may be,
I always knew someone would leave it like this for me.

A world of not knowing
Not caring or understanding.
I wouldn't give you a relationship with sex,
So you decide there is nothen left.

I am once again disposial it seems,
And my feelings are left to steam,
But they are mine and choose not to talk,
So everyone out there can sit an balk.

She lost another, they will say-
And wonders friendless throughout the day.
Thats what she gets for breaking down
and giving in,
Keep those feelings closed and within.

Brooke

The Most POWERFUL word...........

   "Shit" may just be the most powerful word in the English language!

   CONSIDER THIS:

   You can be shit faced,
   be shit out of luck
   or have shit for brains.

   With a little effort you can get your shit together,
   find a place for your shit or
   decide to shit or get off the pot.

   You can smoke shit,
   buy shit,
   sell shit,
   lose shit,
   find shit,
   forget shit,
   and tell others to eat shit and die.

   You can shit or go blind,
   have a shit fit
   or just shit your life away.

   People can be shit headed,
   shit brained,
   shit blinded,
   and shit over
   or shit on.

   Some people know their shit,
   while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.

   There are lucky shits,
   dumb shits,
   crazy shits,
   and sweet shits.

   There is bullshit,
   and horse shit,
   and chicken shit.

   You can throw shit,
   sling shit,
   catch shit,
   or duck when the shit hits the fan.

   You can take a shit,
   give a shit,
   or serve shit on a shingle

   You can find yourself in deep shit,
   or be happier than a pig in shit.

   Some days are colder than shit,
   some days are hotter than shit,
   and some days are just plain shitty.

   Some music sounds like shit,
   things can look like shit, and
   there are times when you feel like shit.

   You can have too much shit,
   not enough shit,
   the right shit,
   the wrong shit or
   a lot of weird shit.

   You can carry shit,
   have a mountain of shit,
   or find yourself up shit's creek without a paddle.

   Sometimes you really need this shit
   and sometimes you don't want any shit at all.

   Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit
   you swim in a lake of shit and come out smelling like a rose.


   When you stop to consider all the facts,
   SHIT is the basic building block of creation.
   And remember, once you know your shit,
   you don't need to know anything else.




EXPRESSION'S - WHERE THEY COME FROM!!!!!!!!!!!

So that's where that expression comes from!

Life in the 1500's:
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May
and were still smelling pretty good by June.  However, they were starting
to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the b.o. Baths
equaled a big tub filled with hot water.  The man of the house had the
privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then
the women and finally the children.  Last of all the babies.  By then the
water was so dirty you could actually loose someone in it.  Hence the
saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water".

Houses had thatched roofs.  Thick straw, piled high, with no wood
underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the
pets... dogs, cats and other small animals, mice, rats, bugs lived in the
roof. When it  rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would
slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying, "It's raining cats and dogs,"

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a
real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could really
mess up your nice clean bed.  So, they found if they made beds with big
posts and hung a sheet over the top, it addressed that problem.  Hence
those beautiful big 4 poster beds with canopies.

The floor was dirt.  Only the wealthy had something other than dirt, hence
the saying "dirt poor".

The wealthy had slate floors which would get slippery in the winter when
wet. So they spread thresh on the floor to help keep their footing.  As the
winter wore on they kept adding more thresh until when you opened the door
it would all start slipping outside.  A piece of wood was placed at the
entry way, hence a "thresh hold".

They cooked in the kithen in a big kettle that always hung over the fire.
Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot.  They mostly ate
vegetables as they never had  much meat.  They would eat the stew for
dinner leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start
over the next day.  Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been in
there for a month.  Hence the rhyme: peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold,
peas porridge in the pot nine days old."

Sometimes they could obtain pork and would feel really special when that
happened. When company came over, they would bring out some bacon and hang
it to show it off.  It was a sign of wealth and that a man "could really
bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and
would all sit around and "chew the fat."

Those with money had plates made of pewter.  Food with a high acid content
caused some of the lead to leach onto the food. This happened most often
with tomatoes, so they stopped eating tomatoes... for 400 years. Most
people didn't have pewter plates, but had trenchers - a piece of wood with
the middle scooped out like a bowl.  Trenchers were never washed and a lot
of times worms got into the wood.  After eating off wormy trenchers, they
would get "trench mouth."

Bread was divided according to status.  Workers got the burnt bottom of the
loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the "upper crust".

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey.  The combination would
sometimes knock them out for a couple of days.  Someone walking along the
road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial.  They were laid
out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather
around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up.  Hence the
custom of holding a "wake".

England is old and small and they started running out of places to bury
people.  So, they would dig up coffins and would take their bones to a
house and re-use the grave.  In reopening these coffins, one out of 25
coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized
they had been burying people alive.  So they thought they would tie a
string on their wrist and lead it through the coffin and up through the
ground and tie it to a bell.  Someone would have to sit out in the
graveyard all night to listen for the bell.  Hence on the "graveyard shift"
they would know that someone was "saved by the bell" or he was a "dead
ringer".